May 15, 2012

Pain she could take..numbness she couldn't handle. You think the other person no longer has an hold over you and then comes a phone call... and you are numb inside. If there was pain, it was easy to understand..numbness is hard to fathom. It is like a distance dream of yesteryear.. vaguely familiar but a dream.. mostly beautiful that is how she liked to remember.

They say memories are lovely. Yet she somehow couldn't think of any of them together. It seemed all hazy.. Does this mean she has moved on finally? Is freedom this feeling of detachment and numbness or is this just a phase till another object of obsession came along. Life seemed to be moving from one dream to another...
Mostly fast paced dream sometimes mind-numbing slow...so slow that you can feel every second pass by you..doing nothing just watching and you wonder what have you been waiting for..

She waited for perfect love since the time she could remember. Was it the movies that encouraged the idea, or those countless sitcoms that she and mum would watch together over a hot cup of cocoa; she didn't know. But an ideal soul-mate was what she wanted always. But every time her heart was broken and with every pain she resolved harder to get it right the next time. 

Soon the next time turned into a game of wait.. long long wait marked with extreme loneliness, frustration and sadness... then the loneliness didn't matter much.. It became a part of her, she accepted it and soon she became numb to everything around her. Nothing moved her, nothing affected her. Some would say she achieved peace finally. Some say  she is plain old hag.
" I don't know who I am anymore. I know not what is happiness, I know not sadness. I don't care for peace nor give a hoot about it! I only exist now...waiting... "

1 comment:

Viyoma said...

Painful flows, not easy to express
Difficult times, not easy to face
Its a passe, this too shall pass
There will be a blossom in the vase.